Inspiration

I used to think that inspiration just came to you without any effort. So when I had lulls in my inspiration for Art I assumed something was wrong. Have I drawn away from God? Am I even supposed to do art anymore? These questions ran through my mind almost constantly. I watched as my college mates worked hard and moved up in the Radio/Tv/Film department. Many of them younger than me. They all seemed to be much more inspired than me. They clearly loved what they were doing.

God called me to Oshkosh. He made sure I made it to the Radio/Tv/Film department here.
So why was I struggling with my inspiration? Even in my minor of studio arts I seemed to be lacking major inspiration. I did not find drawing as relaxing and fun as I used to. I constantly had this feeling of, I'll never do as well as my college mates. I don't have enough talent to do this. This will never mesh with my religion. Video and Christianity don't work, especially on a college campus.

I recently had to take a semester off. When this first became a possibility I resented it entirely. I felt if I took a semester off I would fall behind. I was already behind because I transferred. I did not want to become someone who took a semester off and never went back. Despite all these fears I prayed about my decision. God had provided for me before and I had no doubt he could provide for me this time. However every time I prayed about this I never once felt peace about returning in the fall. So much to my dismay I withdrew from my fall classes and set up a payment plan.

It felt extremely weird to watch my friends all collect their textbooks and begin classes. My times I was asked "What classes are you taking?" Later it became "How is school going? How are your classes?" I had fallen into my own routine of work, late nights and movies. So whenever I would be asked "how are classes?" I was brought back to reality and would once again feel bad about myself. As if I had failed because I could not complete school in one full sweep.

Fast forward a few months. I quickly discovered God's purpose for me taking a semester off. All of those fears I mentioned he began working to turn them around. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how ridiculous those fears were. Of course I was different, I had Jesus living within me. Please understand I do not mean that in any condescending way. I just mean, most of my fellow RTFers were not Christians. I had made a point to make Christ first in my life. Radio/Tv/Film is a very time consuming major. It quickly and easily becomes your life. However, I made sure Christ was first and foremost my life. Everything else was secondary. So when I was comparing myself to my class mates I was seeing the difference in where we get our inspiration. Through this 'down' season of my life, God reminded me of why he called me to Oshkosh. He reminded my why he chose the path of art for my life. The key word there is HE. He chose this path for me. I may have decided that I love art, but you must understand that I found God and art at the same time. In the past every time I fell away from my God, inspiration for my art left me. Thus God and art were always connected and are meant to always be together, always feeding off of each other.

"I chose you for a reason. You are to show them a new way to live. You are a leader. You must lead them."
"Me? Why would you choose me? I am not good enough. I don't have a leadership mind."
"Maybe not but you have a leadership heart. You know why?"
"no..."
"Because Jesus dwells within you. You have the heart of Jesus. He was one of the great leaders. He never lets anyone down. He will always show you which way to go next. As long as you constantly dwell in him, he will remain in you."

Over the past few months God has shown me just how much I am worth, which is so much more than I think. In October I went on a retreat with my campus ministry. While I was there I spent some time alone with God. I was throwing around the idea of choosing a different major or dropping my minor in studio arts. God slapped me in the face with this:

"Don't you dare even think of giving up art. This is what I made you for. This is your purpose. Did I not direct your path perfectly so that you would end up here, studying art? Don't you dare think that you are not talented enough. Your art is beautiful. People ARE impacted by your art. It DOES inspire people. I gave you the gift of seeing people how I see them, and I want you to capture that in your art. People need to see themselves how I see them. Beautiful just the way they are; in their brokenness, in their vulnerability, in their crushed spirits. They are beautiful. You notice them just as I have noticed them. You have a very important future. Don't you dare walk away from that."

And in that moment I knew I was back on track.

So today I started reading a missionaries and my amigo's blog. He is a recent grad from the Radio/Tv/Film department. His combined love for Jesus and film has always inspired me. So reading about all that he is accomplishing is so encouraging to me. It shows me that all this is possible. I am not crazy for wanting to combine God and video. I support this Godly man monthly. Usually when you support someone, they send you newsletters telling about their experiencing and the good they are accomplishing. I found it weird that he was not sending me anything. Today I found his blog on his Facebook page. Deciding to read it I realized this was his newsletter. I just had to go and find it. I also recently started reading my cousins blog. She to is a very Godly women. Her blog has inspired me.

Reading these blogs has made me realize that sometimes you have to go and find your inspiration. Not all of it will come straight to you. It's just like writing an essay or coming up with a theme for a story. It doesn't always just hit you in the face. In fact a lot of the time you have to seek it out. You research and look around for something good. Many masterpieces are inspired by a similar piece, or style. Every, artist, politician, author, pastor, musician, magician, businessman has a role model, someone who feeds their inspiration.

What is your passion? Who inspires you?

Hopefully this wasn't too all over the place. Thanks for reading!