Change,

        Lately I have had an overwhelming feeling of needing to present myself more professionally. I feel as if I have held on to my past for too long. By past I don't just mean all the bad memories and difficult situations. I mean the past 'me,' my past behaviors, my past mindset, my past self-image. All of these aspects have changed and i feel the need to correct my outward appearance to match that positive new self-image. 

        It's curious isn't it? How when we hand God the pen to our lives we seem to develop a better handle on life. Seems kinda backwards doesn't it? When we give up control, we...gain control?    Maybe its more like our life runs smoother because we are following God's master plan. So it's not necessarily that WE have a better handle on life, its just that we have a handle on God who has a handle on us.

        I have this idea of getting rid of all the old clothes, all the hand-me-downs, worn out clothes; clothes that look like I am stuck in the emo/punk stage my freshmen year of high school. Its not like i don't wear them anymore. Although there is a number of clothes I only wear as make-shift PJ's if you will. When I am getting dressed in the morning i find myself digging through stacks of clothes in my dresser, skipping five or six old shirts I don't enjoy wearing anymore. I suppose I am searching for a shirt that shows who I am currently. 

       I would like to point out that I am one who does not handle change very well. I do change, obviously but i just don't like to change very often. That's the stubbornness of the Taurus right there. If you try to make me change I will resist you as much as I can, for as long as I can. Eventually I will warm up to the idea. But note: the more you push it the more i will resist you and the longer it will take me to change. 

     
   I was at a women's house a couple of months ago. She had a blank piece of lined paper framed. On the glass she wrote bible versus and other phrases of encouragement. I thought this was a fantastic idea. You write on it with a dry erase marker, allowing you to change the phrase whenever you please. This is one thing I would like to start doing wherever I am. whether that be in my dorm, at home or camping with some friends. This I believe would improve my behavior. It would definitely strengthen me, seeing that word of encouragement everyday, changing it every month.  


   I'm creating my own sense of style, sense of self and I want everyone to become aware of it. I absolutely love that I am discovering myself through God. I am creating a new Carleen through God. A Carleen completely different from the Carleen before God. Maybe that's why they call it being born again because you become a new person in the presence of God. Especially when you've hit rock bottom.


For nothing is impossible with God. -Luke 1:37


CB